Have Faith · Have God · Reflection

“But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.” – James 1:6 (NKJV)

So! Lately I have been attending the young adult/ youth services ran by COS Bukit Timah, named Impact Life. Currently it is only my 8th (or 9th?) session, after closing to 4 months.

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@ Big Box auditorium

The service was great, lively, with clubbing-like spotlights flashing everywhere like a rock band concert. Not sure if its my age, but I don’t really enjoy the fancy lighting during the worship but in spite of that, the choice of hymns were great! The people there were around my age, so there wasn’t as much communication barrel as I had with the previous churches I attended. Although I do not quite agree with the way the messages were relayed by the speaker (mostly the lead pastor of the church), but the scriptures choice were mostly quite closely related to my circumstances, so much so that I think God is really watching my every moves. I am really quite sure that this is the church I would be settling for until…the lead pastor was convicted of road rage assault and sentenced to 2 weeks jail term.

Before I got to know about this incident, I brought my good friend to one of his service because I have doubts with regards to the way he preached. I felt that he wasnt quite tactful in the way he relay the message. So I brought my close friend along to clear my doubts. The message that day was about tithing, and she feel that the way he relay the message sounded a little threatening. I had to admit thereafter, I started to have more doubts in the way he preach and kept trying to pick on his flaws. I know, I became very critical after that. Plus, the lighting in the church is really getting on my nerves. And so I started to have hesitation in attending the service. I started to move away from the usual seating with the life-group (which is very near to the spotlights and stage), and continued to pick on the pastor’s flaws while he was preaching. It wasn’t until I learnt about his case and I became even more judgmental than before.

I felt that its a real pity because I really quite like the people there (although I don’t really hangout with them after service, because I rather spend the precious weekends with my family) and the worship service was superb, and mostly…well, my room owner’s best friend brought me there so I really don’t want to disappoint him. But the pastor’s action were just…so discouraging! (Not to mention the negative weight added on by the recent CHC embezzlement case). I have to admit, it really affected me quite a lot and questioned my belief and trust in wanting to belong to a community, a church.

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That was how far I sat away from my lifegroup and the stage. The spotlights were taunting to me. (>.< )

Is it really necessary for all christian to belong to a church community? Will God forsake me just because I am not part of a church? All these were running through my mind every tuesday (lifegroup) and saturday evening (service), so much so that I am starting to feel guilt for missing any of it!

Nevertheless, I am thankful that I know I am trying my best to stay and keep in touch with God myself even after what I have experienced and seen from my dad, and reading/hearing countless evidences on how two-faced church leaders could be. Oh well! The least I could do now is to pray about it and try to attend the service more until I found another or see how it goes? After all, I really should stop hiding in my cave and learn to socialize with others. Meanwhile, I will keep praying about it!

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